You Are The Worst dot Com

Nov. 12 (Bloomberg) — E*Trade Financial Corp. lost more than half its market value after the online brokerage forecast a decline in fourth-quarter earnings and a Citigroup Inc. analyst said the company may go bankrupt.

E*Trade will book “significant writedowns” this quarter for asset-backed securities that sank in value last month, the New York-based brokerage said in a Nov. 9 regulatory filing. Citigroup’s Prashant Bhatia wrote in a report yesterday that there’s a 15 percent chance the company will seek protection from creditors after poor management “put the viability of the franchise at risk.”

Chief Executive Officer Mitchell Caplan’s strategy of building E*Trade’s bank by tripling loans outstanding backfired as borrowers fell behind on payments and U.S. home prices declined. The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission also began an informal inquiry on Oct. 17 “into matters related to the company’s loan and securities portfolios,” E*Trade said.

“A drop in the stock price this severe could prompt retail trading customers, who likely see the performance of E*Trade shares, to withdraw cash from their accounts,” Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. analyst Roger Freeman wrote in a report to clients today. He has an “overweight” rating on the stock.

In a letter to customers posted on the company’s Web site, Chief Operating Officer Jarrett Lilien said E*Trade is taking “prudent measures” to shore up its balance sheet. The firm will remain “well capitalized” by U.S. banking standards even if it had to write down $1 billion of assets, he said.

E*Trade dropped $5.04, or 59 percent, to $3.55 at 4:20 p.m. on the Nasdaq Stock Market. The stock has fallen 84 percent this year, wiping out about $8 billion in market value. E*Trade’s market value is now almost a tenth of TD Ameritrade Holding Corp., its closest competitor.

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You know your a hit when blogs like Perez Hilton and stars like John Mayer (who also covered Chocolate Rain) are creating parodies of your videos.

Here’s the latest parody video of the hit internet sensation, 2 girls 1 cup.com. The link is not work safe, nor for viewers with a weak stomach, under the age of 18, or have a displeasure for scat porn.

But the below parody is fine for viewing:

and here’s a reaction video to the viewing of the infamous 2 girls, 1 cup video and more reaction videos can be found here:

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I stumbled upon this neat site detailing the nature of Facebook’s privacy policy which may be a little shady and I suggest users not to post everything little part of their life unless they want their identities stolen one day. I know this is common sense but from my brief counter on the site, females especially, place every single aspect of their lives be known to the world and there whereabouts and activities at that moment in time.

Here’s an excert from their privacy policy:

Facebook may use information in your profile without identifying you as an individual to third parties. We do this for purposes such as aggregating how many people in a network like a band or movie and personalizing advertisements and promotions so that we can provide you Facebook. We believe this benefits you. You can know more about the world around you and, where there are advertisements, they’re more likely to be interesting to you. For example, if you put a favorite movie in your profile, we might serve you an advertisement highlighting a screening of a similar one in your town. But we don’t tell the movie company who you are.

We may use information about you that we collect from other sources, including but not limited to newspapers and Internet sources such as blogs, instant messaging services, Facebook Platform developers and other users of Facebook, to supplement your profile. Where such information is used, we generally allow you to specify in your privacy settings that you do not want this to be done or to take other actions that limit the connection of this information to your profile (e.g., removing photo tag links).

Anyhow, click here for the link that details the evils of Facebook.

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An American tourist was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.

Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The tourist complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.”

The tourist then asked, “Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?”

The Mexican said, “With this I have more than enough to support my family’s needs.”

The tourist then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life.”

The tourist scoffed, ” I can help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You could leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you could run your ever-expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

The tourist replied, “15 to 20 years.”

“But what then?” asked the Mexican.

The tourist laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”

“Millions?…Then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

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The Chrysler Group recently stated they would now offer a “lifetime” powertrain warranty on almost all of its new vehicles to increase sales and address a longtime concern of dealers. The warranty covers the engine, transmission and drive systems on Chrysler, Jeep and Dodge models for as long as a first-time owner drives the vehicle. It replaces the automaker’s current three-year, 36,000-mile or 60,000 km warranty.

Chrysler and other U.S. automakers have said that improved quality has not been fully recognized by American consumers. It joins larger competitors in offering more generous warranties to raise consumer confidence. Chrysler’s U.S. sales were down about 1 percent in the first half of this year as it relied on industry-leading incentives, including interest-free financing, to move an aging line-up of pickup trucks and minivans.

Conditions

The extended warranty, not transferable if a vehicle is sold, was being offered as of Thursday and supported by a TV and newspaper advertising campaign starting on Friday, the automaker said. Furthermore, the new “lifetime” warranty would also exclude Chrysler’s diesel-driven vehicles and its performance-oriented SRT line of vehicles.

Impact

This is a big statement brought forth by the Chrysler Group and is historical in nature. The author is hesitant whether this “lifetime” warranty program will help the company profit as the majority of their gross margins come from servicing and providing repairs for out of warranty vehicles. The true test is whether the company can put their money where their mouths are and provide sustainable long-term plan of selling improved quality and in turn reliable vehicles to the general public. In the short-term, Chrysler will boost vehicles sales instantly swaying customers from foreign manufacturers and the other big 2 domestic companies. Furthermore, it may also seem that the company is turning itself around as this marketing strategy comes as Cerberus Capital Management prepares to take Chrysler private in a $7.4 billion deal with DaimlerChrysler AG. Whether the company can shed away from its two decades of producing lackluster and scoring below-par in reliability test, remains to be seen.

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